8 Alcohol-Based Advent Calendars For Parents of Toddlers

Between fishing turds out the bathtub and the pitiful amount of sleep you get, you've earned it.

8 Alcohol-Based Advent Calendars For Parents of Toddlers 

1. The Wine of the Day Club AKA Teething Is Happening 

Great for people who want to get arrested before Christmas. Maybe split it with the neighbors? This is sure to be a Christmas you won't forget. Or maybe one you won't remember.

2. Beer Me. 

When trailer parks and Pinterest collide, this is what happens. That dollar store garland really adds something special. 

3. Perfect Gift For Teachers

On the first day of Christmas, a second grader gave to me...a 25-pack of cold Dos Equis. 

4. Thanks Wifey

This one was made by a wife for her husband. So thoughtful. Everyone knows brown paper packages tied up with string are everyone's favorite thing. Sprinkle this with Fritos to show him he matters. 

5. Larger Families 

This was originally made for a trio of roommates, but if your 21+ aged kids are coming home for the holidays, this would make a great gift. Or you can drink all three beers and ponder how fantastic it is to have the house to yourself. Or you can just drink all three beers. 

6. Gin Advent Calendar AKA The Potty Training Survival Kit 

A company called Ginvent has put together a very classy advent calendar with a spot of gin behind every door. This is going to change lives. Sip it while you scrub poop of Thomas the Train 3T underwear. $129 

7. It's available in whiskey, too. $241

This package looks like it would fit in the pantry right next to the Cheerios. Sit in there and weep while you enjoy the smooth taste. 

8. For Foodie Parents

For parents who think they're better than everyone else, we recommend The Craft Beer Advent Calendar. It will go great with your organic dinners and hemp cloth diapers. (No one likes you)


This is for parents fresh out of craps to give and no money because they spent it all on annoying V-Tech devices that require a screwdriver to change the batteries. All you need for this bad boy is a switchblade and a Sharpie, both of which you should keep away from small children. We call this the "Help Me I'm Poor" Advent Calendar. 

Merry Christmas. 


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