Dad and Buried's 7 Best Tweets

Follow @DadandBuried. He's like a cross between Louis C.K. and Homer Simpson.

1. This is the realest tweet ever tweeted. Two seconds after you throw the acorn away, the kid will need it like he's never needed anything before.

2. Seriously. Kids can do WAY more damage than a cocker spaniel. 

3. Most of us lose this battle. That's why coffee was invented. 

4. Sneaking food is 97% of parenting. Trying coughing when you open a bag of chips to hide the rustling. 

5. At least you know that you've lost the war. Frees up mental energy for finding deals on bourbon. 

6. Why houses have light switches so low, I will never understand. Enjoy the migraines. 

7.  Check near the bottom. Close to the baby socks and empty fruit snack wrappers. 

Stuff Moms Say's 7 Best Tweets

1.  Totally logical. Frozen waffles are also a great dinner. Basically, I'm too tired to cook.

2. I'd go to this club. 

3. Driving with kids means you're always a distracted driver. 

4. Every single time. No joke. 

5. Priorities. 

6. This town would be amazing and annoying. 

7. Every time change ruins my life. 

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We approve of this book. 

Nobody Likes a Cockblock: The Children's Book For Adults Who Aren't Getting Any 

Cockblocking by children is a serious condition that affects millions of parents around the world. 

Excerpt:

The stars are out, it’s dark outside. 

I can see that there’s sleep inside of your eyes. 

Stay warm in your bed, on our door do not knock. 

Because nobody likes a cockblock.

The train’s leaving the station, it’s about to go down. 

My ticket is stamped for a trip to Pound Town. 

Your job is to sleep like the heaviest rock. 

Because nobody likes a cockblock. 

I love mommy so much. She’s my favorite cutie. 

Tonight I would like a piece of that bootie. 

Don’t ask for milk or help with your sock, 

because nobody likes a cockblock. 
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Nobody Likes A Cockblock is perfect gag gift for Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthday parties, baby showers, baptisms, and of course, wedding presents.

Coming April 5th 

Preorder yours: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692636757

8 Hilarious Parenting Tweets: Volume I

It's like comedy night, every night.

1. Trick or Treat! I'll need a mini Snickers bar and all the change in your purse, please. 

2. Say goodbye to that shoe forever. It belongs to the Earth now. 

3. True that. 

4. It's called cardio. 

5. There's always that one cart. Take your trash, people. 

6. You're guaranteed to get a flesh wound, too. 

7. Especially chewing.  

8. Heated with love.